


memento mori (amor fati)

by WhatsATerrarium



Series: The Craziest Board Game of 1973 [4]
Category: Wolf 359 (Radio)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Character Study, F/F, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Non-Explicit Sex, POV Alternating, POV Second Person, Pre-Desperate Times, Sexual Content, Spoilers for Desperate Measures
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-20
Updated: 2020-04-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:48:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23748622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhatsATerrarium/pseuds/WhatsATerrarium
Summary: She’s going to be gone soon, and you knew it was a possibility, but it’s still going to hurt.  Because one day, the star is going to explode, and much sooner than that, the station will.  The only thing that you’ve known for years will be gone, and this, whatever this is, will never really be finished.
Relationships: Isabel Lovelace/Alana Maxwell
Series: The Craziest Board Game of 1973 [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1732729
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8
Collections: Happy Birthday Maika





	memento mori (amor fati)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MaikkaPakka](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaikkaPakka/gifts).



> Happy Birthday, Maika! I love you!
> 
> A few notes:  
> -This fic was originally posted about two years ago under the title "astra inclinant, sed non obligant".  
> -The majority of the first half is still the same as it was two years ago, which is to say.... not good. But I'm very proud of the concept and the edits I made to the second half to post it.

_You never really doubted this was the life you were meant for. Villainy always had its charm, besides, you’re not the bad guy, you’re just working for them. You don’t mind being seven and a half light years from earth. You never minded anything as long as you had your computer with you._

* * *

_You used to stargaze. No one expected the tough girl, the star basketball player to be able to map out the constellations for them. Your brother and your parents used to laugh at you. Everyone eventually grew out of their space phase but you never did._

* * *

_You never understood it. The burning desire people described. You were onto bigger things. You weren’t repulsed, just uncaring. You certainly weren’t a virgin. You do enjoy it though, the sheer excitement of being beneath her, being in her room and in her arms. The way she looks down at you like everything is about to explode, the star, the ship, the crew, and all she cares about is you, and how long she can make this last. It’s about the thrill. You know you don’t have much time, and so does she._

* * *

_There isn’t much time. Not much time for you to finish doing this to her, making her feel like this. There’s not much time at all. You know the plan. Sometimes you feel guilty for being here with her, everything that’s happening, but she’d kill you at the first chance, only fair for you to have to remember you’d do the same to her._

* * *

_She looks beautiful like this. She may be the enemy, but she looks damn fine on top of you, hand on your cheek, smirking lips on your neck, dark hair in need of a cut floating around her head like a halo._

* * *

_She looks peaceful like this. She may be the enemy, but she looks beautiful beneath you, hands gripping your shoulders, smirking lips pulled apart to a moan, bright red hair floating over you both like a storm cloud._

* * *

_You reach a hand out, wrapping a curl around your finger with a sharp pull. You want to hear the noises she makes. The way she kicks her legs and arches her back as the pain combines with the pleasure of your lips crashing on hers._

* * *

_For a minute, you almost regret that you two are on opposite sides. She could have been great working with you. She is great, but she could have been better. She’s wasted here. Here, she has only one way to utilize her gifts, her talent for making people bend over backwards, making them do what she wants, making them surrender, let down their guard, and that’s in here with you._

* * *

_She’s going to be gone soon, and you knew it was a possibility, but it’s still going to hurt. Because one day, the star is going to explode, and much sooner than that, the station will. The only thing that you’ve known for years will be gone, and this, whatever this is, will never really be finished._

_You want so desperately for an ending to your story, and you know that she’ll never be a part of that ending._

* * *

_You’re fairly certain that in these hours, you’re immortal._

_You’re fairly certain that you’re immortal. Period._

_Maybe other people in your line of work would be hyper aware of their mortality. Maybe so many moments spent being certain you wouldn’t live another would convince weaker people that death was always right around the corner._

_But you’re in no rush to believe that._

_So many days spent certain you wouldn’t live to see another has only managed to numb you to that dread, that fear. So many missions that have left you with scars, and marks, and nightmares worse than you could imagine have always still left you with a pulse, and now that’s all that manages to cross your mind each time you stare death in the eyes._

* * *

_You’re a dead woman walking. You’ve survived too many times and seen too many die._

_There’s no doubt in your mind that you live on borrowed time, you know that for certain._

_So you don’t think you’re immortal. You think quite the opposite. You’re not living as though you may never die, you’re living as though each day were your last._

* * *

* * *

* * *

_Soon enough, you’ll both be staring down the barrel of a gun._

* * *

* * *

* * *

_Soon enough, you’ll be dying. You’ll feel your delusion of immortality fizzle out with a terrifying spark. You’ll feel the blinding pain of a bullet in your head and then you’ll feel nothing at all._

* * *

_Soon enough, you’ll be dying. You’ll feel your borrowed time running out. You’ll feel the blinding pain of a bullet in your head and then you’ll feel nothing at all._

_And soon enough after, you’ll be waking up._

* * *

_You don’t know that now though, of course. So now, you look up at her and you laugh. You laugh as she kisses you and your laughter spreads throughout the room, infecting her and so you’re both giggling._

* * *

_You don’t know that now though, of course. So as she laughs, you let yourself be swept under by the sound of her laughter like it’s a siren’s call. And everything outside of this room ceases to exist, for in this moment, you’ve decided not to believe in that which your laughter cannot touch._

* * *

_You still don’t believe death is inevitable._

_You have no way of knowing that soon, it will stare you in the face._

* * *

_You still believe that death is lurking around every corner._

_You have no way of knowing that soon, you’ll evade it for good._

* * *

* * *

* * *

_Soon, everything will go to hell. Soon, no one will be safe. Everyone will be in pain, in mourning, in fear._

_This is the last time you will be together._

_This is the last time you will love each other._

_This is the last time you will lie to yourselves._

* * *

* * *

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> So a big reason why I don't usually leave comments is that it doesn’t feel like a conversation, it feels too definite. So, as opposed to asking you to leave comments (which I do still very much appreciate and will respond to if that’s your thing), I’m going to let you know how to contact me!
> 
> Instagram: whats_a_terrarium  
> Discord: whats_a_terrarium#0251  
> Tumblr: whats-a-terrarium  
> Twitter: whatsaterrarium
> 
> If you have any thoughts, ideas, constructive criticism, or just want to ramble, never hesitate! :)


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